When an armoured aircraft containing millions crash lands in a post apocalyptic desert,A young and innocent hunter must travel down a dangerous road and battle against an assortment of motley, money hungry mercenaries in order to to be the first to the crash site to rescue her brother, before it becomes a deadly war zone.

    Money Plane

    Penpusher Posted on May 5, 2015 in Public.
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    6 Review(s)

      I think maybe the structure could be improved, as the logline feels a bit too wordy.

      “…in order to to be the first to the crash site to rescue her brother…” sounds a bit complicated. Maybe try write it more simply?

      “…must travel down a dangerous road and battle…” the “and” could maybe be removed. How about “…must travel down a dangerous road battling an assortment of…”
      Also, is it literally a “road”? If not, why not simplify the whole logline by removing the above mentioned part completely.

      Here’s my suggestion:
      “When an armoured aircraft containing millions of dollars crash lands in a post-apocalyptic desert, an innocent hunter must race against time as well as greedy mercenaries in order to rescue her brother.”

      Hope it helps!

      Default Answered on May 5, 2015.
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        Hello,
        I don’t understand why her brother is implied. Was him on the plane? I think the logline would be better if the role of the brother is clarified.
        I’m not really convinced that “innocent” is a good adjective for a hunter. Maybe a farmer. If you want to stress the fact that the hunter is not a criminal you could find something better, more compelling.

        Good luck::

        Mentor Answered on May 5, 2015.
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          “When her brother crash lands in a post-apocalyptic desert with a highly precious cargo, a young hunter must race against time as well as greedy mercenaries in order to rescue him”.

          Mentor Answered on May 5, 2015.
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            Hey Huey.

            Good re work by FFF but the stakes need clarifying.

            Post apocalyptic implies that money would not really have the same value as pre apocalyptic so perhaps best to specify another commodity that would could spark a war. Perhaps life saving water, food or oil (a bit close to Mad Max though?).

            Perhaps:

            After her brother crash lands a cargo plane full of water in a post-apocalyptic desert a young hunter must beat a tribe of mercenaries to the plane in order to save his life.

            Hope this helps.

            Singularity Answered on May 6, 2015.
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              Paper money’s value is contingent on the population’s faith in the credit of the government issuing it. However, in a post-apocalyptic world, wouldn’t all governments have collapsed? In which case paper money will be worthless.

              However, gold always retains its mystique as a repository of wealth and medium of exchange.

              Singularity Answered on May 6, 2015.
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