Thomas Gunn an New Hampshire lawenforcement officer, gets a call from an old friend from Mississippi, to come down and solve a murder. Finding out who did it and many wrenchs thrown in the process
This iteration of a previously posted logline from a different thread presents little new information, lacks a clear plot and includes generic descriptions that are vague in nature similar to the original post.
All previous comments to the former iteration still apply.
Hope this helps.
I recommend you to read this very short article about how to write a logline: http://www.raindance.org/10-tips-for-writing-loglines/
It explains why you should avoid the character name, for example.
It seems to me that you have a main character (you have to find a good adjective to describe him), and you have an inciting event (the call), but we have very little clues about what really happens in the movie, and what makes it interesting.
If I say “mr Cool get a call from an old friend to solve a murder and a lot of cool stuff happens”, are you interested? This is maybe a starting point: it’s clear that this is a ‘detective’ movie, now you have to tell us where is the specificity of your story.
First off, don’t tell me names of characters (and unless it’s SUPER relevant to the plot, which in this case it doesn’t feel like it, don’t tell me locations either). This is becaus you have no brand recognition for that character, so it doesn’t mean anything at this stage.
You logline is “A cop is asked to solve a murder in another town … and it’s difficult.”
I’m not hooked by that concept. You need to tell me a story I’ve never been told before, or tell it in a way that hasn’t been done before.
Also — what is your protagonist’s flaw, and what personal stake do they have in the solving of this murder? Murder sucks, but if I’m going to pay $20 for a ticket to this I’m going to want to know that my characters have something personally invested in the resolution of this story.
Also — cops solving murders is not ironic or a hook in and of themselves. Because that’s their job, they’re meant to do that. So if it HAS to be a cop solving the murder (and not someone LESS qualified) … make it so that solving the crime would be harder for them than anyone else. Monk has OCD and is a clean freak. The cop in Fargo is constantly underestimated by the antagonists AND the audience because she’s a pregnant woman. Find your OCD/pregnancy and exploit that.
I agree with the other posters on the no name. Also the importance of spelling and grammar can’t be stressed enough. If there are spelling and grammar mistakes in the logline, one can assume the script will be difficult to read. Maybe find an editor who will work with you?