The scorned stepchild of a serial killer is pushed to the limit when his stepfather turns on the family and neighbors for what he perceives as their roles in the death of his biological son.
The logline needs to be clearer. I had to read it a few times. For example, is the stepchild the only one that knows he is a serial killer? Why would the stepfather think they are responsible?
I usually cross out words to help revise my logline. Make sure you have a protagonist, inciting incident, the protagonist goal, and the central conflict.
Then I revise from there to get a clearer starting point. It?s not perfect but it will help rethink your idea and Logline.
A scorned child must stop his vengeful stepfather from killing his family.
I hope this helps.
I ‘think’ I love your premise… the reason I say think, is because I’m not exactly sure what your story is, but I know what I’d like it to be!!! ?So, as the others have pointed out, it’s not clear, which leaves me projecting my own twisted desires to watch a film about a stepchild who is being taught how to be a serial killer by his stepdad! LOL.
I honestly think Ninann22 nailed a potential premise with “A scorned child must stop his vengeful stepfather from killing his family” and would definitely recommend using that as a starting point for building your story around.
My thoughts are:
- I guess the MC is the stepchild… but I wouldn’t be surprised if some people think the MC could be the stepdad. ?I think that may be the way you’ve stated the stepdad’s motivation. ?This could easily be the stepdad’s story.
- “pushed to the limit” – what would this look like on screen? ?We all have very different limits. ?I’m guessing his limit is defending his life?
- Does the kid know his dad is a serial killer? ?If he does, that’s pretty fundamental to his character.
- “the family” – who’s family is this? ?”the” rather than “his” suggests it’s someone else’s family.
- So the dad blames everyone? ?His own family and all his neighbours for the death of his son? ?What did they do – string him up lynch-mob style? ?Was the son innocent?
- The fact that the stepdad kills the neighbours – I’m not sure you need this. ?The stepson may want to save them, but his bigger priority would be saving his own family.
- How old is the stepson? ?Is he an adult or a child? ?Is it his partner and kids he’s protecting or his mum and siblings?