Losing his eyesight gradually due to a rare disease, an introverted painter hurries to finish his last painting to participate in an important exhibition going trough an existential crisis.
How does an exhibition go through an existential crisis? Or is the painter doing that?
What’s stopping him from finishing the painting? I get it’s got a deadline and he’s losing his sight but other than that… just another day at the office for him, right?
Other than the obvious, why does he have to stop painting once he loses his sight? If this is a film about overcoming adversity, a blind painter is a pretty good way to go.
I think, as a logline, it’s a little bland. To me, the hook of the story is a painter going blind (or becomes blind). As it stands, he seems to be just trying to finish off stuff before that happens and there’s very little standing in his way. So there’s much less conflict. What happens if he doesn’t finish this piece? What’s at stake?
As far as the protagonist goes, he’s an introverted painter. How is what happens to him going to help him overcome his flaw? I don’t see anything here that suggests he will change his ways and arc. If anything, he’ll become more introverted once he loses his sight. What did you have in mind for his internal journey?
Hope this helps.
Agree with Mr. Pedley, the existential crisis stuff is a black hole and the overall plot is tired.
An unadventurous artist must rediscover a life worth living to complete a final masterpiece for a prestigious exhibition before the loss of his eyesight to a rare disease.
Thanks?Mike Pedley? for your constructive comment!
It is the painter who is going through an existential crisis and not the exhibition. It’s a syntax error from me. In fact, my language is French and I try to translate? as best as I can. This comment will probably contain errors and I apolozige in advance.
Also, I need to specify that it is a logline for a short film! The short duration of this format allows us to capture a brief moment in the caracter’s life which is the existential crisis.
First, because of his introverted nature, the caracter is closed on himself.? His art is the only way for him to? feel that the world around him does’nt flee from him. ?The painter spends more time applying the colors on the canvas than admiring with his eyes the landscape that stands in front of him.? He knows exactly the effect of lighting on the shadow in the hollow of the faces of his models, but he doesn’t know the person behind. He has a very mathematical, very detailed vision of painting. But soon, he will become blind and he will no longer be able to paint. ?When making his last masterpiece, a lady portrait, he realizes that the most important is to live in the present moment, it is the only real way to feel that time does not flee from him. In this process, he will be more interested in his model, the real person behind the portrait. Finally, the work of art is marked by the different psychological states that the painter has gone through. One half of the face is amazingly precise, which shows that the painter had technique at heart and considered painting as a mathematical science. He is the painter of the beginning. The other half is much more whimsical and the colors are not always realistic. This shows that the painter allowed himself to be guided by his emotions following his awareness. He is the painter of the end. He just has time to take a look at his work before sinking into darkness forever.
Second, the character’s obstacle comes from him. It is his sense of lack. His feeling of watching the world go by without acting. This causes him anxiety and sadness. To overcome this obstacle, he decides to take charge of himself and take advantage of all the moments he has left before his new life. He develops a relationship with his model who will later become his life partner. It allows him to take a new look at the world around him.
What people are seeing is this.
1: You have a painter (Lead character)
2: Who is losing his eyesight (Specific problem)
3: Attempting to finish his painting before he completely loses his eyesight (Goal)
A great idea, I can visualize the story.
Also; even though I am not a painter I can understand the plight of the lead character. Great!
“…going through an existential crisis”
I don’t know what that looks like on screen.
1: Going blind isn’t existential
2: But if it’s not about going blind, You haven’t given us anything hints as to what the existential crisis is about.
It comes out of nowhere, we can’t visualize it and doesn’t give us any hints on how it will affect the plot
Conclusion: Leave the existential crisis in the story if it’s vital, but I would drop it from the logline (Unless the crisis can be summed up in two or three words)
However, that is just an opinion.
This is a really nice premise.
So we get the stakes, could you make the exhibition something specific? Like a major biennale for example.
The only other note I’ll make is that it’s not cinematic. Nice premise but ultimately, some guy painting doesn’t make for good cinema. Could you inject a conflict? Perhaps he has to reconcile with his estranged son, daughter, or wife. What if the estranged loved one is the only person he knows/trusts to be his hands and help him finish the painting?