An introverted teen with special powers seeks to avenge her family's killers and rescue others like her from slavery.

    The Hiddens

    Default Posted on January 31, 2015 in Public.
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    5 Review(s)

      We have an incident and we have a goal.

      We don’t yet have the means by which she can achieve this goal.

      Logliner Answered on January 31, 2015.
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      There is a means, sort of: her “special powers”. What those “special powers” are that enables her to achieve her goal ought to be more specific.

      And there should be one primary goal. For the purposes of the logline, either her primary goal is to avenge her killers or rescue others. (In the story proper, one may be entailed in the other; even so, there should be clearly designated primary goal. )

      Default Answered on February 1, 2015.
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      I changed the Logline it is now “an introverted teen with special powers comes home to her entire family executed and seeks to avenge their deaths and rescue others like her from slavery”

      Default Answered on February 1, 2015.
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        Giaforetia, please continue this thread and don’t post any revisions in new entries. I will delete the later entry.

        The idea is to continue the discussion with the original logline and post your revisions in the COMMENTS.

        Thank you! 🙂

        Samurai Answered on February 1, 2015.
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          I find the two goals a bit of a clash. They needed to feel more like a single story. Is one of them setting?

          Singularity Answered on February 3, 2015.
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