A penniless single father takes a night job monitoring the cities CCTV, but fears he is losing his sanity when strange apparitions begin appearing on the monitors before him.


    Penpusher Posted on August 14, 2015 in Public.
    Add Comment
    3 Review(s)

      Not sure of the MC goal. What is he doing in Act II? Also why label the MC as a father ? With no mention of any family in the logline wouldn’t the term ‘penniless man’ be OK?

      Penpusher Answered on August 15, 2015.
      Add Comment

        Agreed with the above comments.
        Also perhaps use his family as a motivation to take the job and stick with it after hi sanity is challenged. The logline currently lacks an inciting incident perhaps after his daughter requires an expensive operation to survive a penniless writer must… [do something interesting]

        I though giving him a job description would be more effective than just man.

        Hope this helps.

        Singularity Answered on August 16, 2015.
        Add Comment

          From this I am unsure as to the main conflict of the story. This could be about a man struggling with mental illness or about somebody who begins to investigate paranormal phenomena which are all too real.

          What does he do after seeing the apparitions?

          Default Answered on August 19, 2015.
          Add Comment

          Your Review

          By posting your review, you agree to the privacy policy and terms of service.