RE: After being built as a cyborg by a fellow vampire, a young woman must race against time to kill vampires who tries to invade her town so that she can be human again.

      Tony Byrd Penpusher Posted on May 4, 2020 in Horror.
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        What should the logline be? I’m confused also.

        Penpusher Answered on May 5, 2020.

        Below are only but a few points of confusion I found in your logline:

        “…fellow vampire…” implies that the young woman is already a vampire, not human – so which is she?

        “…young woman…” doesn’t tell us enough about the MC, it basically describes nearly a third of the human race (or more, depending on what qualifies as young for you).

        What does “…being built as a cyborg…” mean? Do you mean perhaps ‘after being transformed into a cyborg’?

        Why “…must…” she race to kill the vampires? What’s causing the urgency?

        “…Who tries to invade her town…” – should be ‘who are trying to invade her town.’

        More to the point, what does invade a town mean? Are they physically located outside of town and are trying to walk onto the streets? If so, how could one person stop many others? And what does invade mean? Will they inhabit the town? Attack the town-folk? How is this a personal stake for her? Will her family or friends be in danger? ? ?

        on May 5, 2020.
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